The Ingrams Have Always Been There

I met the Ingrams 55+ years ago. So, I've basically known them my whole life. Honestly, it's hard to remember a time when I didn't know them.

It all started with a new school. I entered McHenry Elementary School in second grade and immediately met a small group of people who would be among the most enduring friendships I have ever had.

I met Kathy, Kelly, Cindy, Vernice, Eddie, Liz, Tammy G., Tammy P., Dana, Lori, Bedelia and Rhonda at the home of the Cardinals, and we remain friends all these years later. McHenry, you have to understand, wasn't in the best neighborhood. Our classmates were poor. Many of them came from difficult, rough backgrounds. Frankly, my overprotective mama didn't let me play with just anyone, but she did let me play at Rhonda's.

Rhonda Ingram's home was a safe space. Mama trusted them. And, so, Ralph, Barbara, Rhonda and Kiah entered my world.

I thought the Ingrams had to be among the richest people I knew. Ralph had designed and built their 1970s contemporary saltbox. It had a great room and stairs. I had never known anyone with a great room. On one wall in the great room was a spinet piano. Rhonda took piano lessons. I had never known anyone my age who took piano lessons. Holy cow! I had somehow become friends with and invited into the home of rich people!

I know now that the Ingrams weren't rich then and aren't rich now, at least not in the financial sense, but they were and are rich in family – the kind of richness that stays connected despite setbacks, loss and time.

I know that Rhonda moved to a private school sometime in middle school or high school, but I don't ever think of her as being anywhere else other than in my life. In my mind, she's always been there. Perhaps that's because her mom worked in the library at my high school. I was one of the nerds who went to the library after school, and there was Mrs. Barbara, smiling, kind and nurturing.

More than 30 years ago, when I decided to align my life with Jesus before starting a family, Lisa and I landed at Hollywood Church. I didn't know it when I decided to visit, but I quickly discovered that the Ingrams went there too.

Ralph and Barbara became an integral part of my life again, just as they always had been. They were – and are – examples to me and my wife. They've persevered through the loss of a child, through a brain tumor, through aging and most recently through a horrible wreck that happened right in front of their house.

It was the wreck that prompted me to write this. I've written far too many eulogies over the course of my writing career. These things need to be said now. I want Mr. Ralph, Mrs. Barbara and Rhonda to know just how much I love them and how important they are to me now.

When my church asked me to be a deacon, I was asked if there was a current deacon I would like to present me with my ordination Bible and to pray over me. I knew in an instant; it had to be Ralph Ingram. It's hard to put into words how powerful it was to have this stalwart man whom I had known my whole life to place his hands on my shoulders and pray for me. It is a memory and a Bible that I cherish.

A few years ago, Ralph got bored with retirement. He had spent his whole life designing and building houses and Lord knows what else. It just didn't feel right to be idle. So, he became a volunteer at Floyd Medical Center, once again becoming a presence in my life. He did such a good job driving the parking lot shuttle that the hospital offered him a job. He has worked practically every day as a courier until his wreck. He's 86, maybe 87!

I always smile when I see him at work because I know something my teammates don't know. They see a kind, older gentleman who works as a courier and likely don't stop to wonder whether that's always been his job. When I tell them he was an architect and builder, you can see the veil lift from their eyes.

That story helps me remind my coworkers that the people at work aren't defined by what they know of them. They have rich lives and storied pasts, experiences and knowledge they could not begin to fathom.

It would not surprise me to see Ralph back and work once he recovers from the multiple injuries he suffered in the wreck. People like Ralph don't quit. I know he sure hasn't. Rhonda sent me a video of him walking not long after his wreck. The video made me happy, but I wasn't surprised. Like I said, Ralph doesn't quit.

Ralph is a father-figure, a spiritual mentor and a coworker. That's pretty dang cool. The Ingrams have always been there. There's no part of my life that is absent of them, and I love that. Rhonda is my sister. Ralph and Barbara are extra parents. If it takes a village to raise a child, Ralph and Barbara Ingram are leaders in my village, and I am grateful.